INTRODUCTION TO "LOST IN THE CONSOLE"
THE OFFICE PARTY GHOST:
Our world is not ruled by the same laws as your world. In your world promptness and efficiency are lauded. In our world they are irrelevant. What good is promptness when you will end up losing the Stout account to Ty-Tork in four months six days and eleven hours? What good is a sheet cake party for Jean Fryck when .. but no, we must not reveal these things. What is the point of your senseless, mad rush? Your 60 hour workweeks? Your ceaseless clickety clack on the keyboards? Not one of you save Stutts has the imagination for the unseen realms. For Jim Foote, heaven is not the image of being perched atop a cloud, strumming the harp. Heaven is right here, beneath the low hum of poorly installed flourescent lighting, in a grey carpeted office with a big chair that swivels. Heaven is in the jalapeno poppers he looks forward to consuming at Chili’s on his business lunch. Nor is he alone. In her heart of hearts, in her secret innermost bosom, Traci Poponopolous’ idea of heaven is eternal nothingness, to rot and decompose under the earth. Do not blame her. She has not the gift of seeing. Kevin Tollman’s idea of heaven is the new X Box, a box of Domino’s pizza and a fatty. Sigh. How closely the dreams of you mortals resemble the mundane world you actually inhabit. Can you not stray further into the aether? But even ghosts must know when they are boring their dear listeners. I must break this long wind and get to the point, which is that the Men’s Room Stall Ghost and I are going to .. get over here, Men’s Room Ghost. Don’t be shy. More. (pause) A few more inches. (pause) Now don’t move. We’re going to join forces and create a vortex right here in the hi-volume hyrdaulic.. wait. Where are you going? Friends, the Men’s Room Ghost is shy, so we best get on with it. (They join ghostly hands) “Turalooo! Turalooo!” (winds begin) “Turaloo!” (The winds increase. The Wind is suddenly sucked into the console and ceases. The console glows) And now we must away! Let this boring world be turned inside out! I present to you “Lost in the Console” by lezmaz and funkychicken 99. By and by you will tell them apart by their unique stylings. Or perhaps not, as they have been schooled in Teamwork by Jim Foote and company.
