Tork Talk Vol 3 Issue 1.
Computer, record entry.
A great day is coming for the Tork-Rite empire. A day when we honor our ancestors, much like the Klingons celebrate Sarpek the fearless and his discovery of the Knife of Kieram. On March 11 it will have been twenty-three years ago that our founder Jorgen A. Pennis sold his first torque wrench. Designed and marketed from his own small room above his parent's garage, Pennis went on to found an empire.
There were those that said Pennis' design was clumsy and overstated. Now we can laugh at these assertions, and feel proud that we work for a legend in the bolting technology community. Pennis' bold thinking continues to guide our mission, albeit from his bunker-like home in the Santa Cruz mountains outside of San Francisco.
Two years after designing his first wrench, Pennis was on a roll. He came out with his patented Hydraulic Nut Splitter. They say he discovered this by accident, after leaving some tools in a cooler full of ice on a hot sunny day. We all know some of the greatest discoveries are accidents. When Sarpek the fearless unearthed the Knife of Keiram, he was searching for his Targ!
But seriously, Providing 360 degree of nut rotation automatically? Becoming the global provider of precision bolt loading and removal solutions? We all wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Pennis monomania, genius, misogyny, and tax-evasion. Why, I remember meeting Pennis a few years ago when he came by the office. I was in charge of ordering the sandwiches for lunch. When I asked him if he preferred ham or turkey he said, "I don't care you pockmarked lickspittle, just get me a god damn sandwich" which was quickly followed by a kindly disclaimer of , "No offense" to which I wittily replied, "None taken."
So don't forget to stop by the break room on March 11th to celebrate the anniversary of Pennis first sale and the birth of Tork-Rite. We will have a plaque dedicated to the building. The plaque will be mounted with the very first wrenches he designed. This plaque will not just be a testament to Pennis' spirit. It is a piece of Paramus history and a symbol of our unique bolting solutions for specific applications. That's just as worthy of celebration and song as finding some old Klingon knife! Besides, we've already ordered the diet coke and cupcakes with funds that were almost as hard to extract from petty cash as using a plasma fountain to raise material from the surface of Tyrus Seven!
Remember, March 11. The festivities begin at 1300 hours.
Computer, end program!
Donald Boyce
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Actually, it's more like trying to repair a
shield generator while suffering from the Nygean flu, but I see your
point!
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Traci,
The gentleman in the adjacent office, a Mr. Joyce i believe, from the IT department, has been talking to himself, raising a disturbance. After i addressed this matter directly, Mr. Joyce contended that he was talking to his computer, "via voice recognition technology."
If this is true, then that falls under, the Non Permitted Uses of Computing Equipment already outlined in my earlier memo. More likely, i suspect Mr. Joyce has been beset by illness or drugs, which is cause for termination.
Will you just shoot out a quick email to Dan Sparks in HR. Ed and i will be out for the next two hours on a sales meeting, and i would like to see this resolved by the time I return.
--Jim
Jim Foote
Branch Executive
TorkRite Industries
The gentleman in the adjacent office, a Mr. Joyce i believe, from the IT department, has been talking to himself, raising a disturbance. After i addressed this matter directly, Mr. Joyce contended that he was talking to his computer, "via voice recognition technology."
If this is true, then that falls under, the Non Permitted Uses of Computing Equipment already outlined in my earlier memo. More likely, i suspect Mr. Joyce has been beset by illness or drugs, which is cause for termination.
Will you just shoot out a quick email to Dan Sparks in HR. Ed and i will be out for the next two hours on a sales meeting, and i would like to see this resolved by the time I return.
--Jim
Jim Foote
Branch Executive
TorkRite Industries