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How ironic that this "prank" would attempt
to lampoon the two men who have been working so hard and so long together
to curb lost output within the firm.
To whoever did this: next time you decide to use the email system for an inappropriate jest, try to not make it such an unfunny one. Why? Consider this sobering figure:
Estimated annual cost in lost productivity due to inappropriate email use:
38.7 Trillion US Dollars.
Thank you.
Larry Keever
TorkRite Industries
To whoever did this: next time you decide to use the email system for an inappropriate jest, try to not make it such an unfunny one. Why? Consider this sobering figure:
Estimated annual cost in lost productivity due to inappropriate email use:
38.7 Trillion US Dollars.
Thank you.
Larry Keever
TorkRite Industries
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Lighten up, Larry!
Down here on the loading dock, we like our pants loose, and our jokes looser.
Honestly, Keever, if your uncle wasn't on the board at the bank that once had TorkRite in receivership (ten years ago, already, give it up!) you would have been fired a long time ago.
Let's face it, you have a prune face and no sense of humor. Even your wife can't stand your sanctimony -- she had a few glasses of box wine at our Xmas party in '03 and told me all about it.
Now, climb off the cross -- someone else can use the wood!
Don't you love that line? I got it from "Straight Talk," my favorite Dolly Parton movie.
Chervyl Stoops
West Loading Dock Supervisor
Down here on the loading dock, we like our pants loose, and our jokes looser.
Honestly, Keever, if your uncle wasn't on the board at the bank that once had TorkRite in receivership (ten years ago, already, give it up!) you would have been fired a long time ago.
Let's face it, you have a prune face and no sense of humor. Even your wife can't stand your sanctimony -- she had a few glasses of box wine at our Xmas party in '03 and told me all about it.
Now, climb off the cross -- someone else can use the wood!
Don't you love that line? I got it from "Straight Talk," my favorite Dolly Parton movie.
Chervyl Stoops
West Loading Dock Supervisor
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someone else can use the wood!!! har har..
that's rich. ah, man. That's good. Whew.
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Thank you, Cheryl, for pointing out the
loose pants. Mr. Foote and I had been investigating possible reasons
whereby goods and equipment have been disappearing from the loading area.
Until we can settle on some guidelines prohibiting the use of loose pants,
expect random and scheduled searches for all dock employees, including
supervisors.
Thank you.
Larry Keever
Cost Containment Specialist
TorkRite Industries
Thank you.
Larry Keever
Cost Containment Specialist
TorkRite Industries
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Traci, I am hearing it up to my ass from Shipping and Loading. What is going on? Cheryl Stoops was in here for ten minutes with her ass on fire. What is a "Loose pants search"? I neither know nor care what this is regarding. I think it may havestarted from something Larry Keever in Accounting said. Whatever it is, I just want it stopped.
As for Miss Frycke, if she is so concerned with people's comings and goings, tell her to start by making sure that no more disgruntled dock people come in to my office and dirty up the brand new shag carpeting. Or not. Perhaps this will give us grounds for termination of her employment.
--Jim
Jim Foote
Branch Executive
TorkRite Industries
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For starters, it's Chervyl Stoops, not
Cheryl.
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Traci, i may have called Chervyl any number
of things i maybe shouldn't have. Get Dan Sparks in
here.
--Jim
--Jim
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![[info]](Icons/userinfo.gif){kind=icon}
God damn it, where there's Sparks, there's
fire but where there's Foote there's a mouth. What now?
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I can barely type for all the runny mascara,
so you executive fancy pants will excuse any mistakes, won't you? Hope
you're happy, making a grown woman cry like that in the office. Sorry I
knocked over your fancy "spider" plant. I'll run by the Wal Mart before I
clean out my station and get a new one.
And yes, it's C-H-E-R-V-Y-L, thank you. Good enough for eight generations of Stoops women, and it's good enough for me.
I don't mind Keever's by-the-book style, but it really gives me the red ass when he comes onto the West Loading Dock and orders a pants spot-check. Jim and Greg from Security didn't look too pleased, but they did their jobs. Nice boys.
Soon as Greg is elbows-deep in Fred Arbuthnot's baggy Carharts, Keever starts handing out a memo detailing the new dress code for loading bay staff -- spandex bike shorts.
"No more loose pants, or loose talk," he sneered. I will never forget the look on his ferret face. As Dolly said in Steel Magnolias, Keever is so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Cost containment, my Aunt Fanny. You know what it'll cost to cover Little Roy's lower body in lycra?
Please conslider this my official resignation from TorkRite, effective immediately, or as soon as me and the West Loading Dock crew can finish this lovely sheet cake and lite beer.
And yes, it's C-H-E-R-V-Y-L, thank you. Good enough for eight generations of Stoops women, and it's good enough for me.
I don't mind Keever's by-the-book style, but it really gives me the red ass when he comes onto the West Loading Dock and orders a pants spot-check. Jim and Greg from Security didn't look too pleased, but they did their jobs. Nice boys.
Soon as Greg is elbows-deep in Fred Arbuthnot's baggy Carharts, Keever starts handing out a memo detailing the new dress code for loading bay staff -- spandex bike shorts.
"No more loose pants, or loose talk," he sneered. I will never forget the look on his ferret face. As Dolly said in Steel Magnolias, Keever is so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Cost containment, my Aunt Fanny. You know what it'll cost to cover Little Roy's lower body in lycra?
Please conslider this my official resignation from TorkRite, effective immediately, or as soon as me and the West Loading Dock crew can finish this lovely sheet cake and lite beer.
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Well, Traci, i hate to lose somebody like
Shirville, but if she is bound and determined to go, then all the best to
her. The important thing, Traci, is HAVE THE EMPLOYEE SIGN ALL E.P.E.
FORMS BEFORE EXITING PREMISES. I hate to sound like a broken record,
Traci, but it is important that ALL E.P.E. FORMS BE SIGNED AND WITNESSED
BY ONE AUTHORIZED REPRESENTATIVE FROM HR AND ONE FROM DIVISION OF
COMPLIANCE.
Also, Traci, if there is any leftover cake, i wouldn't mind giving my diet a little rest. At your earliest opportunity, bring me in a piece of that stuff and don't forget to INSURE THAT EACH PAGE ON THE E.P.E. FORM HAS BEEN INITIALED BY THE EXITING EMPLOYEE.
Also, have Larry Keever from Accounting come in and see me right away.
--Jim
Jim Foote
Branch Executive
Also, Traci, if there is any leftover cake, i wouldn't mind giving my diet a little rest. At your earliest opportunity, bring me in a piece of that stuff and don't forget to INSURE THAT EACH PAGE ON THE E.P.E. FORM HAS BEEN INITIALED BY THE EXITING EMPLOYEE.
Also, have Larry Keever from Accounting come in and see me right away.
--Jim
Jim Foote
Branch Executive
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I'll be doggone if I understand what's going
on out on the dock lately, but those guys look sharp. Those bike shorts
give the guys a professional sheen. It won't be long before I can get back
into my bike shorts. How many people can fit into the same waist size they
had in 1989, Traci?
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Would you like to mandate that on casual
Fridays we here in the office must do the same?
I believe the bike shorts are a stand-in for your old fondness for spandex (from your rock and roll days)
Traci
I believe the bike shorts are a stand-in for your old fondness for spandex (from your rock and roll days)
Traci
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You're talking about 1984-'85. Back then I
was no more big around than that PVC pipe Shorty Joe is holding over
there. Incidentally, Traci, back then my hair was all the way down to my
kiester. And permed.
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Gentlemen:
I have been retained by Ms. Chervyl M. Stoops to represent her in a harassment claim against TorkRite Industries.
According to Ms. Stoops' recent deposition, she was falsely accused of theft,and improperly searched while performing her former duties as the supervisor of the West Loading Dock.
In addition to these charges, Ms. Stoops has asserted that a hostile work environment was created when she was informed that she and other employees would be compelled to wear snug elastic shorts. In an effort to obtain more evidence for her claim, I obtained several pair of these spandex garments and had my paralegal, Randall, model them for me in the office.
After examining Randall in form-fitting black elastic shorts that leave little to the imagination, I believe my client has a very strong claim of sexual harassment. The notion that these garments would be required in the name of "cost containment" staggers the imagination. Clearly, these shorts are for the sexual gratification of TorkRite executives.
If you haven't received them already, you'll soon be in possession of several subpoenas that compel the appearance of Mssrs. Foote and Keever at a deposition this coming Friday morning.
My client would prefer to settle these charges out of court, but if we must go to trial, we'll be glad to defend her rights and reputation. Ms. Stoops has already fielded calls from Nancy Grace and Rita Cosby regarding television appearances -- she's ready to tell her story.
For her pain, suffering and humiliation, Ms. Stoops is seeking reinstatement, a cash payment of $37,500, and a more comfortable chair in her work area.
I look forward to hearing from so we may resolve this matter with alacrity.
Regards,
William J. Houghton, Esq.
Houghton, Pirogue & Houghton
228 Ferry St.
Caldwell, New Jersey
cc: Pirogue
I have been retained by Ms. Chervyl M. Stoops to represent her in a harassment claim against TorkRite Industries.
According to Ms. Stoops' recent deposition, she was falsely accused of theft,and improperly searched while performing her former duties as the supervisor of the West Loading Dock.
In addition to these charges, Ms. Stoops has asserted that a hostile work environment was created when she was informed that she and other employees would be compelled to wear snug elastic shorts. In an effort to obtain more evidence for her claim, I obtained several pair of these spandex garments and had my paralegal, Randall, model them for me in the office.
After examining Randall in form-fitting black elastic shorts that leave little to the imagination, I believe my client has a very strong claim of sexual harassment. The notion that these garments would be required in the name of "cost containment" staggers the imagination. Clearly, these shorts are for the sexual gratification of TorkRite executives.
If you haven't received them already, you'll soon be in possession of several subpoenas that compel the appearance of Mssrs. Foote and Keever at a deposition this coming Friday morning.
My client would prefer to settle these charges out of court, but if we must go to trial, we'll be glad to defend her rights and reputation. Ms. Stoops has already fielded calls from Nancy Grace and Rita Cosby regarding television appearances -- she's ready to tell her story.
For her pain, suffering and humiliation, Ms. Stoops is seeking reinstatement, a cash payment of $37,500, and a more comfortable chair in her work area.
I look forward to hearing from so we may resolve this matter with alacrity.
Regards,
William J. Houghton, Esq.
Houghton, Pirogue & Houghton
228 Ferry St.
Caldwell, New Jersey
cc: Pirogue
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Traci, what the hell is this? I thought
Shirville Stoops had quit. Make a copy of this letter and give it to Dan
Sparks. Some lawyer is trying to rattle his saber, and Shirville's
involved somehow. And goddamn it, here's Larry Keever's name
again.
Traci, what is going on? Ed and I have got to get on a flight to Las Vegas tonight. You and Dan, take care of this. If Shirville is still mad that i called her a lesbian, tell her i'm sorry.
I'll bring you back a Coyote Ugly T-shirt. Tell Ed to meet me at the usual spot at the airport.
--Jim
Traci, what is going on? Ed and I have got to get on a flight to Las Vegas tonight. You and Dan, take care of this. If Shirville is still mad that i called her a lesbian, tell her i'm sorry.
I'll bring you back a Coyote Ugly T-shirt. Tell Ed to meet me at the usual spot at the airport.
--Jim